“Symmetry may have its appeal but it is inherently stale. Some kind of imbalance is behind every transformation.” – Dr. Marcelo Gleiser, astrophysicist
By Astara
Orion and I just emerged from a week at the North Shore of Lake Superior, where we unplugged and restored ourselves at a wonderful family run lake-side resort called Stonegate on Superior. We were heading out the door simply thinking vacation. Maybe it was the fact that our device-free time suddenly freed up brain space, or maybe it was the few hours spent listening to the soothing sound of waves hitting the shore, but that night by the campfire it dawned on us: our adventure had organically morphed into an impromptu and unplanned honeymoon.
The last time we were at Stonegate, in May 2017, we were not engaged yet. A newer couple then, just under two years into the formation of our company Illuminating Hearts, we had a lot to learn about ourselves. We stayed in cabin number 8, and with the help of the vastness that is Lake Superior, we got some important scale on our relationship. We unearthed hidden patterns and forged new paths of intimacy. In the last few years, we fondly refer to that beautiful milestone in our relationship as cabin number 8.
Our engagement blossomed just a month later when we were on a Sound Alchemy tour through the west. Our engagement brought us face to face with more layers of resistance. One of those layers was fear of intimacy. With a few gentle nudges from the universe, we were led in perfect flow last fall to take the next step and choose a wedding date. In keeping with our improvisational nature, and with only two months heads up, our close family and friends graciously jumped on last minute flights to celebrate with us in Omaha. A year after our engagement, on 11/11/18 at 11:11am, we got married.
Now, close to a year into our marriage, and almost five years together, we land again at Stonegate, this time at cabin number 4. At the literal heart of the property, number 4 is a tall log cabin with a front-and-center view of the lake. Returning to the beauty of the North Shore, we take inventory again on our lives. From tackling multiple forms of addiction recovery, to surviving powerful growing pains four years into a new business, to navigating the tension of being business partners and lovers, to digging deeper than we thought possible to integrate the hidden parts of our inner selves — we have so much we have learned and created together. These are the split off parts resulting from the biggest hairiest trauma stories of our past. So much rich territory covered in such a short time!
And is the case with life, there is always more to be revealed and loved to a new place. Throughout the week we leaned in, opened our minds and hearts, rolled up our sleeves, and got to know ourselves and each other better. Thanks to a recent amazing book on marriage, we are learning that everyone marries their unfinished business from their childhood. Everyone. Whatever relationship status you find yourself in, whether you are married to a partner, to your work, to a child you are raising alone, to a close friendship group, or just to your own personal mythology, I believe you will find that you are attracted to and consistently triggered by your unfinished business in some way, shape, or form. We all do this for one simple reason. We recreate our scary past so we can heal it. We aim to reveal our wholeness one way or another.
The week by the water was aptly filled with the power of flow. Amongst the waves, the magnificent weather, the trees, and the local hiking, our deep time at cabin number 4 allowed us to surf gritty-but-tender waves of discovery. The tools gathered over our years together paid off. We had more successful conversations on well-worn uncomfortable topics. The tension of facing our personal shadows, only seen in the mirror of our partner, bore the most fruit.
It was hard to clearly see my dark inner narrative still lingering within, until I met Orion. I learned more about the texture and heft of my own unconscious fears and negativity. It turns out my personal myth is one of rejection and abandonment, which ultimately means I was rejecting and abandoning myself. This has spilled over to all my relationships including family, friends, and colleagues. Looking back over the years at uncomfortable relational mishaps that still sting, I saw my hand in all of the sticky situations.
Like many share after attending a Sound Alchemy session or event, we emerge transformed. My awkward humility at seeing myself more clearly quickly morphed into a lightness I hadn’t felt in a long time. Uncomfortable awareness? Yes. Worth it? Hell, yes. As in hello freedom.
Personal Myth
I invite you to look at your own hidden personal myth. Sit down and write the myth as if it was a great movie or fairy tale. Write out all the characters of your life. Write down the main themes. All the characters are you. The themes are the dark stories you tell about yourself, as well as the compensating roles you took on to prove you are worthy. And then give your story over to your Higher Mind or Luminous Self to dissolve back to love.
The truth found when we take time to get to know our own personal myth reveals a deeper and truer kind of intimacy with who you really are, in all your shadow and light. When you release the roles you have take on, you can accept the gifts inside the roles as yours already. It is then you become more authentic.
Claiming Freedom
As we began our drive back home, a rewrite of a blessing I read years ago began in my mind. A blessing as a claim of liberation, freeing myself and others. Originally inspired by an ancient blessing in the Nahuatl language, from Mexico, I began to translate in more of the awareness I hold now about intimacy and soul learning. This claim asserts honesty, gratitude, forgiveness, affection, interdependence, intimacy and ultimately liberation. Thank you to Jolenny Piedra for providing the original translation.
Words are power and may these words go out into the world reminding you of the power you hold right now inside yourself. In each moment you can choose to free yourself and those you love. When you forget, you can ask your loved ones to remind you. Own the truth of your shadow and light. In doing so you reclaim the power to create the world you know waits for you.
A Claim of Freedom
I release my parents from the story that they have failed me.
I release my siblings from any silent legacies we took on together from our genealogy as well as across lifetimes.
Any healing and learning that has unfolded and continues within me is thanks to all the hard work and love of my family. Gratitude for these souls who agreed to come into my life to help one another learn through difficult, beautiful, and important events we created together. I am grateful for your offerings, availability and dedication. I love you all.
I release my partner from the hidden misguided cultural obligation to complete, fulfill, and satisfy me. I do not lack anything; I am an expression of the inherent beauty of existence. I am love incarnate; I am here to share love and be a reflection of light for my beloved. Each day I get to remember this truth thanks to the honest mirror of relatedness and intimacy. Together we help each other heal unfinished business and past hurts; we create more conscious and empowered paths of love and intimacy. I love you.
I release my children and any children in my life from the need to bring pride, identity, value and meaning to me. May they write their own ways according to their soul, that whisper all the time in their ears, in their belly, in their heart. May I invite them to deeply listen, by living such listening directly with them. I love you.
I thank my grandparents, my forefathers and foremothers who have gathered so that I can breathe life today. I release them from past failures, past wounds, unfulfilled desires, and unresolvedness. I am aware that they have done their best to resolve their situations within the consciousness they had at that moment. I honor you, I love you and I recognize you as innocent and whole at your core.
I learn with all beings in all ways, throughout all time and space.
I am transparent before all eyes. I do not hide or owe anything other than being true to myself and to my very existence, that walking with the wisdom of the heart, I am aware that I fulfill my life project, free from invisible and visible family loyalties that might disturb my Joy, Peace, and Happiness, which are my responsibility.
I renounce the personal myth, key story and roles created in my unconscious pre-birth mind as a defense and compensation against core trauma. Older even than this lifetime. I renounce the key life script, my own personal fairy tale, generated as a result of the heartbreak, failure, or guilt of intense soul experiences. I dissolve the role of martyr, the role of savior, the role of tyrant, even the role of hero back to the love they were intending. I release the mistaken identity of being one who rejects or limits myself to unite or fulfill the expectations of others. All of these shadow projections aimed to hide the negative beliefs about myself and prove my worth; sideways attempts to love or be loved. I integrate all the compensating roles of my personal myth, the villains and heroes projected and introjected, receiving the gifts and qualities of my own fullness directly and authentically. I restore my true goodness and inherent worthiness.
Learning through, and only through, LOVE, I bless my essence, my way of expressing, even though somebody may not understand me, even when I don’t understand me, from the narrow perception of my mind’s eye.
I understand and know myself through the wisdom of my heart in collaboration with my mind, because I alone have lived and experienced my history. I know myself. I know who I am. I know what I am. I know how I serve. I know what I feel, what I sense, what I do and why I do it. I respect and accept of all aspects of myself. I approve of myself. I am the action of Spirit. I am a walking permission slip of this claim.
I honor the Divinity in me, in you, and in all beings. I am word through my body. I am word through my vibration. I am word through my knowing of myself as word. I am here. I am free. You are free. We are free.
A great way towards better intimacy is to know yourself. If you are interested in learning tools and gathering practices for deeper intimacy with yourself and others in life, join Astara in an offering from her Heartifact Archaeology eco-system.
Dive deeper with support to find your personal myth inside our Inner Space Academy. We have a lovely guided meditation to take you through the process in our Shadow Alchemy course bundle from Project Awakening collection.
